Stand by Me

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"So darlin', darlin', stand by me.. oh now now, stand by me..." 

I potentially have a coffee shop addiction. I just love them- the environment is so perfect. I love studying or spending time with Jesus in them and there is also the added benefit of a couple shots of espresso in those lattes of which I am so fond. It's normally my own music which I play due to my easily distracted nature but sometimes the background music just rolls perfectly with my mood. Today is was "Stand by Me" by Ben E. King which grabbed my attention. It fit so perfectly with what I have been learning from Jesus recently. 

I'm all about planning. I like to have a plan. I like to know where I am going. What the next step is. What direction I am supposed to be going in life. You know, something I can project five years down the road and imagine what I will be doing. A dream to race towards. A lot of that has revolved around college in the recent years but this semester, for the first time in about a dozen years, I am not starting classes along with everyone else. Last spring I had big plans for the program I was trying to get into. And I didn't. So I'm taking a gap year. 

I just came out of a crazy busy summer filled with long work weeks, Bible studies, verse memory, extended times with Jesus, and on going adventures everywhere in between. And suddenly I am back home with a schedule that, while still busy, has been like nothing I have ever experienced before. It's relational. Spending time with people as part of a ministry leadership team, being with family and friends, and working for my brother.

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And while I have loved it and it is incredible, doubt sneaks in. Are you really being profitable? What about schooling? What about a more stable job? What about this? Or that? And next thing I know, I'm fighting discontent. And yet Jesus is saying to me, "Be content with such things as you have. For I have said, 'I will never leave you or forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5-6). Paul writes in his letter to the Philippians that he can be content in whatever state he is in because he can do all things through Christ who strengthens him (Philippians 4). Whatever state. Whatever circumstance. Whatever season of life.

In John 15, Jesus straight up says that if we abide in Him, we will bear fruit. We will be fruitful- our lives will have meaning and be according to His purpose. If we abide in Him, for we can do nothing without Him. For our goodness is nothing apart from Him (Psalm 16).

It's kind of funny- how it's easier to trust God with my eternity than my present. But what He shows me over and over again is to wait in Him.  To live in Him. With Him. It's like Jesus is saying, "Stand by Me. Oh darling, stand by Me." I don't know what each day holds. I haven't a clue about the future. But I know that as long as I am with Him, I won't be lost. God has me right where He wants me. And so long as I am looking to Jesus and letting Him be my Captain, my King, and my Leader, not a day is wasted.  So I can boldly say, "God is my helper. I will not fear."

A friend recently showed me the song "Captain" by Hillsong. I have fallen in love with it. Jesus is my Captain. He is the one who can direct my life. I don't need to be afraid of going adrift because He is the Pilot. I don't need to be fretful for the future.

 Oh my soul. Fear not. You are in the presence of Jesus- the Creator. The King. The All Powerful. He is always faithful. He never fails. His strength is enough. His provision is sufficient. His plan is perfect. And all He asks is for me to abide in Him. To stand by Him.

"Like the wind you'll guide, clear the skies before me...

Jesus my Captain, my soul's trusted Lord, 

All my allegiance is rightfully Your's."

Courage, Dear Heart. You are Free.

"I feel paralyzed."

These words slipped out of my mouth as I sat across the table from one of the influential women who have poured into my life. That was the only word that expressed the lacking of power, courage, and hope I felt when in a certain situation. And as I contemplated how I was going to deal with being faced with a situation like the one we were talking about, that was all I could feel. Paralyzed. I was captivated by that feeling. Powerless. 

I imagine you know a bit of what it feels like to be held captive by a feeling. Maybe it is fear. Or hopelessness. Maybe it is anger or bitterness. Regardless, at some point in time I am sure each and every one of us has felt what it is like to unable to move around a feeling we have felt about a situation or person. And the problem is, most times how we feel influences our actions. Or lack of action. 

I feel like getting to have a relationship with Jesus has never ending discoveries. I am always learning something new. And what He has shown me recently is that I am no longer a slave to sin. I am empowered through Him to choose not to sin. And it doesn't mean I don't sin. But that I don't have to be trapped by it. I don't have to be stuck in it. I don't have to choose it. But the question is why? Why am I free? How am I free? Are these just words that are like a big, abstract idea that I can know but not practice? 

I don't think so.

Back when Jesus was on earth, He spoke these words, "If you abide in My word, you are my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free... Most assuredly I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave to sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed" (John 8:31-36). The truth is that Jesus has redeemed me. He has bought me and brought me into His kingdom (Colossians 1:13). And He says that if He makes me free, which He has, I will be free indeed.

 I get the idea that Jesus isn't just for big, impractical ideas that sound nice. His word is truth. And it's real. And powerful. If He says I am free, I am free. INDEED. 

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It says in Romans we are to reckon ourselves dead to sin but alive to Christ. And that sin no longer has power over us. No dominion. No rule. No authority (Romans 6:11-14). But instead we are alive in Christ... Because He now lives in us. The all-powerful God who made the heavens and earth. Who formed us out of the dust of the earth and crafted us in His image. The One who sustains each day. The One who perfectly covers all sins when we believe on Him. He is alive in us (Galatians 2:20). 

He is in me. And the verse which I was given in the conversation before mentioned- when I cried out that I was paralyzed and unable to move- was 2 Timothy 1:7. 

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, 

but of power and of love and of a sound mind (self-discipline)." 

I am not longer a slave to fear. I am no longer a captive. I have been set free. I have Jesus living in me. And His power and love live in me. Giving me new life. He has given me the ability, through His power, to say no to sin. To say I will not be trapped. I will not be ruled. I don't have to submit to the chains of fear, worry, anger, and bitterness. I do not have to submit to lies. The chains which I allow to hold me so often... they don't have to stay on. Because Jesus has set me free. 

So if you feel trapped, lost, or hopeless... turn to Him and ask Him to show you just how free you are. He says if we lack wisdom to ask Him. So ask (James 1:5). He is a good Father and gives us what we need. 

Let Him whisper the words "Courage, dear heart. You are free in Me. You can be BOLD in Me. For I am with you." 

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Feeling Homesick

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If anyone has hung out with me a fair amount, they probably are very aware that I really enjoy talking about personalities- specifically the Myers-Briggs 16 personality types made up of different combinations of four pairs of letters. Another hobby of mine is scrolling down Pinterest and finding quotes, pictures, and thoughts that relate to my personality type. Needless to say, there are always plenty of suggested pins relating to the INFJ personality on my Pinterest feed.

Recently I was scrolling through and found a quote that hit home. But in an oddly sobering way. The quote read as follows: "I am homesick for a place I am not sure even exists. One where my heart is full. My body loved. And my soul is understood."  This quote hits home. How often I have known this feeling. Wanting a place of belonging. Wanting acceptance. Wanting security. Wanting purity. Wanting ultimate purpose and life. 

I have searched. And longed. Pining for something I wasn't even sure existed in the real world. Maybe that is part of why fantasy was always so drawing to me in my childhood. The worlds with magic and beauty. Enchanting. Filled with gorgeous colors. Ending with a the hero riding off into the sunset. Like the song from Hercules "I have often dreamed of a far place where a great warm welcome will be waiting for me... and a voice keeps sayin' this is where I'm meant to be." 

Whether you are a slightly giddy, halfway lost in the clouds, romantic like myself or a solidly planted on the ground, analytically minded individual, I am sure you know what I am talking about. Everyone wants to have a home. A place of belonging. Somewhere where they are whole and full. 

But where is home? Where is that place? Where am I whole? Where do I finally feel satisfied? Not running after the next emotional high? Not looking to hide from reality? Is there such a place? 

What if I told you there was a place? What if I told you there is place where you can feel satisfied? Where you can know rest? Where you can be whole? Where you can come home? 

Because there is.

I like the first couple chapters of Genesis a lot. They are are so full of newness. Perfection. Life. And in there we get to read about our origin story. How we were created in God's image (Genesis 1:25-26). How walking with Him and having a relationship with Him was how we were created to be. How we were made perfect. How He designed us intimately. If you have ever wondered about your value or worth as a human being, take a moment to look at Psalms 139, specifically verses 13-16. We are created by an all powerful God and He knows us deeply. All our complexities and quirks. 

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But unfortunately, starting with the very first humans and working up into each of us individuals, we have turned away from God. And guys, He made what was good. And perfect. And right. And when we walk away from Him we enter a world of darkness because walking away from Him and His design from this earth... that is the opposite of life. The opposite of fullness. The opposite of beauty. Every good and perfect thing is from Him (James 1:17)- and when we walk away it's just... gone. And we are left so stinking empty. I have spent probably 3/4 of my life living on empty. Trying to fill a void that was there because I deliberately cut myself off from the Giver of life. Like taking myself off life support and pretending I can breath though I am choking on the very air that surrounds me. 

I just want to throw my hands up in the air! Because despite my running from God, despite my desire to do things my way, to find my own life, He still pursued me. And put people in my life pointing me to Him. Pointing to Him as the only source of true life. Because He is the Creator. And because He loved us so much He came down in the body of a Man. And suffered. And cared for others. And stinking died for us. And because He is so ultimately powerful and cool and awesome, He could not be held by death. But rose from the dead and triumphed over it. And even though this was 2000 years ago, He still is pursuing and calling us to Him. Because He loves us a ridiculous amount. And wants us to be in that place of relationship with Him, because only there is true life. 

Guys- I've lived empty. And broken. Messed up to the very core. Living in fear. In death. In darkness. Controlled by fear and obsession. And feeling compulsions to do things. Feeling lonely. And so far removed. With no connection. With no hope. Just searching for the next emotional high. Just looking for some source of joy. Or purpose or something...

But because God put the right people in the right places at the right time... because of His great love for me and because He showed me that I could have a relationship with Him- and that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6)- I can say that I finally know where my place of belonging and satisfaction is. It's with Him. Because that is where we were designed to be. And without Him, we all have a ridiculous void. That is like this massive chasm that we are trying to fill and it just never happens. In His presence. In His company, which He invites us to, is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11). Not just dosages of happiness. It's like... fullness of joy. Where my heart IS full. Where I am fully LOVED. Where my soul UNDERSTOOD and FULL. And this is for now. And forever. 

The cool thing is- it's real. It's legit. And I know you, whoever you are, know what I am talking about. So let me ask you a question... What is holding you back from coming to the source of life? Do you feel homesick? Why don't you come home? 

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I'll just leave you with this link to this ridiculously cool video someone showed me. And yeah. You should watch it. 

Ridiculously Cool Video