Well maybe it's just me, but I have this phobia of awkward situations. This deep fear of getting into situations where I embarrass myself, or say the wrong thing, or come across wrong, or interact socially wrong, or just fail in general to relate well to someone. Maybe I snapped at someone, or attempted sarcasm and it was taken wrong, or I just can't get the words out, or I don't know how to respond to something.
And then if you are like me, that situation plays over and over again. Even if it was a text message, my fixated brain frets "did they take that the right way? Did I come off wrong?" And soon enough I'm doing my best to avoid thinking about it at all because it legitimately feels painful and, consequently, I can think of nothing else. It just festers and for a few days I feel invalid. Unworthy. Tense. That I have to socially redeem myself. That I have to walk on eggshells.
Normally after a few days, it eventually wears off and I'm game to try social interaction again... but I swear I have a part of my brain that is solely devoted to harboring embarrassing and awkward failures on my part. And when those memories make a not so pleasant reappearance, I cringe and grit my teeth. "Seriously Anna, how on earth did you let that happen? Why can't you stop getting into situations like that?"
It's exhausting because I really like interacting with people. But I tend to end up feeling like I failed to do well in a social situations. And sometimes a little part of me is wanting to scream I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I fail. I'm sorry I am not enough...
But it's another voice that whispers "you don't have to be." The voice of peace. The voice which rings of a new morning, fresh and clean. Free of mistakes and trouble. The birds singing while a soft and cool breeze rustles a field of green grass. The blue sky highlighted in gold and pink.
It's the voice which comes from knowing I'm still in Jesus' arms. And one of the verses He left us comes to mind "Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness" (Lam. 3:22-23).
I LOVE this. It's like He is saying "each morning, you can get up and start afresh in Me. Each day you can simply rely on Me and start again. Forget the sin. Forget the failures. Just live with Me." Jesus is offering new life with Him each and every day. Each and every moment. A chance... no more than a chance. A promise that if we are His, we can live and walk and breath and dance and sing in newness. A promise that He has come that we may have life... abundant life (John 10). That His grace is sufficient for us- Sufficient (2 Corinthians 12). His grace is enough. It covers all my mistakes. And He offers me new life with Him. And when He looks at me, He doesn't see my mistakes and flaws and sins, He sees that I am completely covered by grace and restored to life by Jesus.
And that is enough for me. Whether it is my failures to live up to the standard of perfection I so often put myself under or a mistake I have truly made, His grace is enough. And yes, there may be times to make things right with people. There is a time to say sorry or mend a situation. But my God is not a God of guilt and I am living under His banner. Secure in Him. His grace is sufficient for me. So I can have grace on myself and I can have grace on others.
Will you accept His grace too? Step out in newness of life with Him!