Tuesday, September 22, 2015

"Fix My Eyes"

Photo Credit

When I was younger, I had a handful of ear infections and once upon a time, mono. That was about my only doctor-hospital experience... Enter appendicitis!

On Friday morning I woke up with the plan to go running, go to work, and, I believe, have a rather profitable day. Instead, I ended up spending the morning in bed, alternating between a very uncomfortable abdomen and vomiting. Sometime in the morning, my mom decided to try some essential oils and shortly after I was feeling a good deal better. I had had something almost exactly like this episode about ten months ago and it ended up going away but in the end we decided to take a trip to the Urgent Care. From there we were forwarded to the Emergency Room, and from there, after a series of exciting experiences that were all my first, I went into to surgery for an appendectomy. I learned two VERY important things in the operating room. 1) some doctors play music (pop, metal, country) before (and during) operations;  2) oxygen coming through a mask feels deliciously cool and has a rather water-like quality. I also have decided that anesthesia is incredibly wonderful. I was able to go home that night/morning at around 2 AM and have spent the last few days slowly getting back into routine and enjoying relaxing.

And now that I have set the stage, allow me to begin to come to the point of this ramble- or at least to come close. The first thing I would like to point out is that there are a lot of beautiful, amazing people out there. It's truly lovely to feel loved by people and to know that people were and are praying for me. I am delighted by the little, and yet humongous, gestures of care and love that I have been shown over the last few days- flowers, notes, prayers, ice cream, smoothies. It has to be one of the most lovely things in the world to feel like other people truly care about you.

But let us go back to Friday night. I think what I read that night, a bit before the surgery, was Luke 1:26-38. A few rather important little things stuck out to me. Allow me to set the stage again: this scene takes place when an angel is sent to tell Mary about Jesus.

"And having come in, the angel said to her, "Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!"

Mary was chosen to bring the very most precious Gift into the world. She had this favor bestowed upon her. And know what else, we also have had a favor we are not worthy to receive bestowed upon us. We have been given the gift of salvation. And the gift of a relationship with Jesus- a gift which makes life livable and makes hope something which I can chose to clasp onto, come what may! Take a few moments to let that soak in. Go outside and look at the night sky. View that awesome dome and find wonder in the fact that God, the very God who died for us, fashioned the night sky. He fashioned the world and He fashioned me. He is in perfect control. He is loving. He is all powerful. And when you realize you cannot fully absorb all of these incredible facts, take a moment to realize that He is so much bigger then all of us, that He cannot possibly fit inside our tiny boxes. 

Another verse which stuck out was Mary's response to all this information (a tad overwhelming don't you think?!)

"Then Mary said, "Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her."

The maidservant of the Lord. I struggle. No need to lie about that. I struggle with saying "I am your maidservant." I sometimes (maybe most times) would rather have things my way. In Hinds' Feet on High Places, a book which was maybe was a bit dull until it found meaning with me, Much-Afraid says, "Behold, thy handmaiden. Acceptance with joy." Sometimes I do not even dare to look for a plan. Getting over emotional and spiritual lumps and bumps and hills in my life sometimes just seems too hard. And that is when it is time to just fix my eyes on You.