Its moments like this when I am
sitting in my car. Lights on, window rolled down for the fresh mountain air,
laptop propped on my lap, writing away to the background noise of some of my
favorite country songs when I realize that, while I have come to love being
with people, I am still an introvert. My social battery still runs dry. I still
find myself exhausted and needing a respite from the stimulus of being around
people.
Love Triangle by RaeLynn echoes from the playlist on my phone. It
has been one of my songs that I have loved listening to the past couple months.
I wonder if in a couple more months it will be a source of memory for this summer.
One of those old songs that bring you back to a certain time, place, and
memory. The kind that are bittersweet. Always going back to another time and
place but filling you with such feelings.
I’m trying to remember the last
two months in full. What it was like at the beginning of the summer when I
began this Christian leadership training program. How have I changed? How have
I grown? What have I learned?
I think of my older brother
telling me how coming to this program would change my life, though he didn’t
know how. I think of my mentor encouraging me to allow this summer to be a time
where I am drawn into God’s loving arms. And then I realize that both of these
statements which I recall ring truer than I could ever imagine. And it is
almost like a worship song – I’ve tasted
and seen of the sweetest of loves…
And I have. Not of my own power.
Or my own ability. And here is where my heart quickens. God, my God, of the
universe did draw me out into the mountains to surround me with His loving arms
and to show me Himself more deeply. To show me He is my Father. My Abba. To
show me I am His. I am His beloved. Can I just stop for a second- mouth wide
open in amazement? If you haven’t heard the good news, you need to. God loves
you. And He wants a relationship with you. Stop for a second. Look into the
night sky. Get up early and gaze at the morning sunrise. Stand in awe in the
midst of a thunderstorm. The God who designed and sustains this earth, this
universe, He wants you. And for you to know Him and to feel His love. He wants
to give new life. New hope. Fill you with purpose.
I wish I could speak more eloquently.
I wish I could express the truth more clearly. But then I don’t have to because
the words are already written. Full of truth. And mercy. From John 3:16- where
we see that Jesus, who is God, came to earth as a Man and gave His life so that
those who believe in Him will be saved; to Galatians 2:20 where we see that if
we come to know Jesus it is no longer us who live but Christ who lives in us
and makes us whole again; to Galatians 4:7 and John 1:12 where we see that we
are children of God; and into Revelations 21 where it is revealed that we will
be alive in Christ forever. One day completely new and whole in Him- not just
in soul but also in body.
And then I realize that while I
have been God’s precious daughter for so long, I have rarely claimed this
promise. This inheritance. I have walked in fear, instead of trust. Walked in
my ways, not His. And yet He pursues me. He is faithful. Because He drew me
into the mountains to show me, among other things, that I am His. I am whole. I
am complete. I am made new. I am His beloved daughter. I can run into His arms
each morning. Each moment. I can know His loving embrace. I can know that one
day, I will see Him physically in person. And for now, I can still turn to Him
for wisdom, guidance, strength, and comfort each day. He is my Rock. He is my
Refuge. He is my Strength. He is my Abba. He is my God.
When I hear a song from this
summer, I don’t want to just remember the fun things I did, or the people I
have come to love, or the amazing experiences I had. Yes, I want to remember
these things. But more than this, I want to be reminded that I am new. I am
whole. I am His. I can stand on His strength and pour into others. I want to
remember that Jesus is so faithful. And He knew just how to reach me-
personally and intimately- this summer.
This evening there was a terrific
display of a rainbow presented in the sunset filled sky. A reminder of one of
God’s promises long ago. The same God who made a promise which He faithfully
presents in a rainbow, thousands of years later, has promised us that we can be
His children. Citizens in His Kingdom of Love. And one thing I never want to
forget from this summer is the truth that I am a citizen of His Kingdom, made
new and alive by Him. A daughter of the King. I will never have to face
anything alone. Because I am held by the One who holds the stars. And because I
am His beloved.
“Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?...
If I take the wings of the morning
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me
And Your right hand shall hold me…”
-Psalm 139
